Being my mother's caregiver during her Alzheimer's disease is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. Being an only child is a definite disadvantage! True, there are no hard feeling between siblings or discrepancies in method of care but there is also nobody to share this incredible burden with.
I went from being a carefree, almost empty-nester who enjoyed her life, friends and family immensely to someone who just tries to get through each minute of every hour of every day. I know neither Mom nor I chose this disease but it certainly is a life changer. True there are good days and bad days but the days are very long either way. I know there is no other choice but to care for Mom but there are many days when I truly feel I cannot do it for another minute. I marvel at people who have done this for years and years and are still smiling, God bless us every one!
Mom was living by herself 400 miles away when we noticed the beginning of "memory problems".... spoke with her doctor, made her appointments, tried to line up caregivers etc.. all to no avail. She became the most manipulative, stubborn, angy woman you could imagine. I foolishly thought things were ok until things came to a "crisis" where I was receiving daily calls from her building manager that she was "wandering", calling people looking for my deceased father, walking the hallways looking for people.....Told Mom I was coming to get her and that brought a crisis to a head.
She left her apartment with bags and told noone where she was going. I received a call from her building manager on monday, saying they thought she had been gone all weekend as her papers hadn't been picked up, food was out, etc. Things did not look good. Later that day I received a call from a New York motel, Mom had wrecked her car, walked alone on a highway, been picked up by some good samaritans and brought to a Holiday Inn Express. She checked in, explained about her car, and noone thought anything was wrong with her. Two days later they realized she was talking about her husband who was with her and they surmised there were some "problems".... I was called to retrieve her and that's how our adventure begins. Brought her home, checked her into
a geriatric psychiatric unit for evaluation. She was there for 10 days and they got her stabilized and on Arricept and Namenda and also Risperidone. What an amazing difference. She still
had her moments but was so much better. Had only planned on having her stay with me for a short while but it was evident she could not live alone. Every few days she would pack up and say she was leaving for Pennsylvania. Would explain that she was here now. It took 7 months but I finally think she "gets it" that she no longer has her apartment and she lives here.
I would so very much love to have her live somewhere else but finanacially there is just no way to do it. For months I would wake up crying for the life I had lost. She took to her bed for one whole month, barely eating and saying everything was fine but still sleeping 20 hours a day. There were days I honestly didn't know how I could get up to face another day.
I don't mean to be totally negative, there are many good days, and I am so happy that she is not the mean, horrible mother who told me to get out and go home after I drove 400 miles to see her.
I do have a caregiver for several hours a week and she was in an excellent senior day care program but lately due to incontinence problems has not wanted to go.
Most of the time I accept what has come to pass but still wish somehow some magical fairy will appear and make it all better! My husband has been very supportive but has his own medical issues so I feel very guilty when I need to take care of Mom and know that my husband needs me or that he wanted to spend his retirement enjoying life and he's not getting to do that.
Also have a 20 year old son living with me who tolerates Grandma but we all know that his social life has certainly been curtailed.
The saddest part of this situation is the fact that my Mother would not care for her own Mother when she was ill. She sent her to live with a stepbrother and his wife and eventually
Grandma was put in a nursing home. I so very much hope that my own daughter and son are never put in this situation. No matter how much you love someone, being their caregiver is not fun.
Good luck to everyone.
Rita Mahan is 58 years old and retired from jewelry business Rita has two children and currently Lives in Cape Cod, MA.
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Original content Rita Mahan, the Alzheimer's Reading Room